My $40 Tomato (General)

I need to admit up front that I do watch infomercials. Not all the time, but occasionally there is a must-have product that captivates me and I find myself on the phone with an operator as times is running out, begging them to take my money and focus all their efforts on getting my “limited time”, “not sold in any store” wonder product into my hands as fast as the Fed EX truck can drive. With that disclosure, I need to share my latest experience. I love a vine-ripened, just picked, deep red tomato. I can eat tomato slices, stewed tomatoes, bacon lettuce and tomato, tomato soup, any pasta covered in tomato sauce, heck, I can even eat a tomato like an apple, so it should be no surprise that when I glimpsed the “Topsy Turvey” (TT) tomato growing implement on TV, I was mesmerized. It produced HUGE tomatoes and so many on each vine that I would need to fix up my old wheelbarrow just to keep up. The topsy-turvey tomato system consists of a hanging bag that you fill with dirt and then the water goes in the top and the vine grows out of the bottom…allowing the water to drain down into the huge tomatoes! I know! Unbelievable right? …and for $19.95 plus shipping, they will send you TWO. I could not dial the phone fast enough. In fact, I think I ate a tomato while I was on hold to give them my credit card information. Well, the box arrived and soon I was up to my elbows in my tomato adventure. Trip to Lowes— bag of good soil and TWO tomato plants. Back home to fill the TT, assemble the bags and now I am ready to hang my turbo growing creation…but where to hang such a heavy, soil soaked bag? Back to Lowes – PVC pipe for hanging—back home for assembly… too wobbly---back to Lowes for angle iron and wood screws. Back home for major fence construction, rehab, mounting of TT… success! I had only a few short weeks to wait. This week, I harvested a single tomato, which is the size of a small plum. I had planned to host a harvest festival to share my overabundance of tomatoes with my neighbors, while rejecting repeated inquires as to my secret weapon for creating such a volume of produce… but I think I will forgo the festival for this year. Who knows, I may find someone willing to pay $39.99 to purchase this amazing tomato growing machine at our community garage sale… and I’ll offer to throw in a second one at no additional charge! Hey…. Whatta ya want? There are no shipping charges!